Category Archives: Dating

These women are considered goddesses by men: Who has a magical aura for them and they can’t resist it?

Which women do guys find the absolute most attractive? And what adds to their attractiveness in their eyes? They revealed it themselves.

Grace, tenderness and fragility with a dose of mystery win

Some women seem to have a strange aura about them. When they appear in the presence of men, they are immediately attracted to them. They know exactly what to say, how to react in situations. Even their gestures seem attractive. What do men perceive really intensely in this regard?

Beauty is an important factor, but it is not as important as you might think. I adore women who are gentle, gentle at first glance. And they exude natural grace and fragility. This is something I simply cannot resist. Yes, big lips, a nice ass and a figure are great, but they are not what I notice in a woman if I am serious about her. It is that charm that plays a big role. (John 28)

For me, the embodiment of the goddess is a woman who is a woman. I feel that nowadays women are extremely self-confident, independent and more masculine than they should be. The delicacy is lost from them and that’s a shame. That’s what gets us men, and I have a feeling I’m not the only one who thinks so. My friends feel that way too. (Self, 31)

For me it is mystery and tenderness. Those are the two attributes that women who immediately attract me have. It simply radiates from them. Really, even if you don’t realize it, you just have this all around you and yes, it affects us guys more than you probably think. (Matthew, 33)

First date: We bring you 6 tips on how to succeed

Your first date is approaching and your heart starts pounding with nervousness? This is understandable; after all, the first impression is the most important, and a good first date can eventually result in a lasting relationship. We conducted a survey among our members and bring you 6 useful tips on how not to mess up your first date.

Don’t underestimate the preparation for the first date

They say that clothes make a person, and there is probably no one who has not considered the most appropriate outfit for a first date. It’s best to be yourself and three quarters of our members would choose clothes that they feel good in and that fit them. But beware: definitely not sweatpants or dungarees…

For more than 90 percent of the respondents, the first meeting is very important.

Before going on your first date, invite a friend to your home and evaluate the selected clothing together. A critical look from someone you know is never harmful and will help to gain distance.

The first meeting in the apartment is taboo

Inviting someone to your home for a first date means dating suicide, so you will definitely not miss choosing a suitable place. Cafes (44% of respondents) and restaurants (22%) remain the undisputed classics, but there are also other options.

Places like cinemas, theaters or clubs are not the best place for a first date. If a couple just sits quietly next to each other on a first date, or the music drowns them out, it is difficult to learn more about each other.

Talk about what you enjoy

According to the Czech coach Hana Wolf, naturalness is very important for a relationship, and activities that you enjoy and fulfill are equally important. “So if you talk about what you like, you can easily find out how much you have in common. If you find that you don’t have much in common, there is still plenty of room to back out of the relationship,” adds the coach.

Be careful about paying

You should make it clear to the waiter that you intend to pay for yourself. If the other party insists on paying for both – it does not mean that you owe someone anything.

85% of users want to pay the bill for themselves, and at the first meeting you should not be arrogant to the service in any case.

Give yourself at least half an hour

It always takes two for a first date, both parties look forward to meeting each other and devote their free time to it. If you meet someone who does not meet your expectations of a partner, do not panic and spend at least half an hour.

As many as 57% of respondents in the case of lack of interest, and thus a failed date, do not say anything and show their lack of interest only indirectly.

Speak the truth

According to coach Wolf, we shouldn’t try to beautify our profession: “If someone doesn’t want you the way you are, it’s simply not worth it.”

The most important final advice: Don’t forget to arrive on time, because nothing poisons the other person like a long wait filled with the nervousness of the first meeting. An indicator of a successful date is a kiss, which you would receive from almost 70 percent of the respondents. Good luck!

Online profile: We have 8 tips for you on how to create one

Everyone is on the internet and everyone has an online profile somewhere. However, if you want to find love, your dating profile is your most powerful weapon. We decided to get some guaranteed tips for you directly from the most professional – from the users themselves.

Helping singles find happiness is our daily job. We therefore know how a well-filled online profile will increase your chances. But who is the real expert on what singles are interested in, what profiles and photos don’t get many reactions, and what happens if someone is lying? But you – the users of the Partner level. So we organized a survey to which you answered. And here is the most important thing:

Online profile is your strongest weapon

68% of our survey respondents update their profile information only in cases where something significant changes in their lives. 21% even admitted that they never update their profile.

So the first rule is – take care of your profile on the first try. Online profile is your strongest weapon in the world of online dating, so don’t underestimate it!

Less (information) is not always more

Do you believe that silence is golden? In some situations we definitely agree with you! However, if your online profile does not contain enough information, you will significantly worsen your chances of getting to know each other. According to 28% of our users, profiles that are too brief are what have no chance of reaching them.

So, if you are serious about your intention to meet through an online dating agency, provide enough interesting information about yourself. Just stick to a few basic rules and avoid mistakes.

Activities, hobbies and interests

Do you love hiking, crochet, are you passionate gardeners, cat breeders, travelers to castles and chateaux, or do you cultivate a top couch sport with a specialization in knowledge competitions? Write it all in the profile! According to our users, the list of favorite activities is in the top three most interesting data (along with photo and age data).

After all, everyone wants to meet someone with whom we are compatible and to spend time together to the fullest. So give people a chance to imagine what your time spent together could look like. You may be pleasantly surprised by how many people you will suddenly have a lot in common with.

Be positive

According to 23% of men from our survey, negativism is the second biggest problem with women’s online profiles, after lack of information. So if you need to complain about failed past relationships, family problems or an annoying job, your friends and maybe a glass of red are ideal for this purpose – definitely not your online dating profile.

Here, after all, you want to appear welcoming, optimistic, as someone open to new experiences, experiences and love. We do not tell you, but it goes without saying that you should transform yourself at all costs. If you can’t bring yourself to have a relaxed attitude, maybe it’s just not the right time to start looking for a new relationship.

Are you really that sexy?

We direct this tip primarily to the male part of those interested in getting to know each other. If you are interested in how to really impress women, let’s put it this way: you won’t attract many partners by strumming a sexy string. If you present yourself as an ideal man and your online profile is brimming with sexual energy, up to 31% of women surveyed will close it without any interest in getting to know you better.

Just for the sake of interest, men definitely don’t mind women’s profiles, and only 6% of the survey participants would not approach the owner of such a profile. But for men, in the world of serious online dating, it’s not sex that sells, but personality.

Start the spell checker

Would your former Slovak teacher faint if she saw your dating profile? We recommend that you fire up one of the programs for checking grammar and spelling. Right after the lack of information and profile eruptions of sexual energy, the biggest profile faux pas is unmistakably bad grammar.

Improving your information? You are making a mistake

Are there lies in your profile, or does it tell the absolute truth about you and do you bet your scout honor on it? 31% of the participants in our survey have already experienced a meeting where the reality surprised them. I guess we don’t need to talk about the fact that the second date did not take place in the vast majority of cases.

Photos, photos, photos

A photo is the first thing online dating users look for in a profile. Up to 26% of men and 25% of women would not click on a profile without a photo. Therefore, if you do not have a photo uploaded in your online profile, you are missing out on a full 1/4 of potential suitors. And what if there is someone worth it among them?

Profile on an online dating site – how to impress at first sight

Online dating is popular, but definitely not easy. What advantages and pitfalls it brings are summarized in our article Online dating – unlimited possibilities or a painful path? The first look at online dating is precisely the user’s profile, but considerable demands are placed on it. The profile should be interesting, at the same time true, authentic and should reflect the personality and what the person is looking for. But how to achieve all this in a relatively limited format? Here are some tips and tricks.

The photo is alpha and omega.

Online dating sites are a place where the quantity of potential candidates is filtered based on photos, which is where it all starts. As shallow as this selection is, that’s just how online dating works. If a photo is to attract attention, it must be relevant and somewhat unconventional. Have a photo of you cooking, baking a cake, hiking, skating or cycling. According to surveys, this type of photo receives up to 40 percent more messages than photos with only a face. The most successful photos on dating sites are those where a person is doing interesting activities, with pets or while traveling. On the contrary, photos with a person with alcohol receive far fewer reactions. It is good to be careful with photos of the opposite sex or with children, even if they are family members, because it can appear more unclear and scare away potential applicants.

A profile that is general is fine. However, specific is best.

Anyone who has ever been on a dating site knows that in addition to the photo, the description below can also be quite interesting. Well, not necessarily always. Many descriptions are, so to speak, copied. Enumeration of general characteristics, and list those that you expect in the person you are looking for. You probably won’t offend anyone, but you probably won’t impress anyone either. It is good to be more specific. Instead of listing all your good qualities, it is better to choose only a few and describe them in more detail. Instead of a blunt “I enjoy sports”, it is better to state, for example, “I have liked to swim since I was a child and recently I have been training intensively for a triathlon”. The same goes for the blunt “I like to read”, try replacing it with specific authors, genres and why you like them. There are no limits to the description, and of course the more engaging, the better. It is possible to describe your hobbies as traveling through a specific experience that a person has from a trip. Hitchhiking, camping, non-traditional travel experiences.

It is better not to fill in the information than to lie.

As with photos and personal information, people tend to manipulate them to some extent. Why add something somewhere and take something away, for example height, age or weight. According to surveys, people on their profiles add three centimeters to their height, lose two kilograms and report that they are one to two years younger. It is not necessary to fill in everything on the profile, so things that a person does not want to admit to do not need to be mentioned, better than lying. A lie has short legs, and the truth will most likely be revealed at a potential first face-to-face meeting anyway.

Briefly and clearly.

Even if the description on the profile doesn’t lie, few people want to read cute essayistic works there. Searchers mostly only spend a minute or two on the profile, and the length of the text needs to be adapted to that. If it’s a bio/advertisement of some kind, five shorter sentences is the ideal length. Of course it depends on the type of online dating site. Some give space for more branched sentences, but some don’t even allow you to write more than a certain number of words in terms of content.

Even though creating an ideal profile may sound difficult and even unrealistic, you can’t go wrong if you are truthful and especially authentic, because this is what weighs the most during a personal meeting anyway.

The sperm donor became a happy father and husband

She was 42 years old and wanted her own child very much, but due to a genetic disorder she had already lost two sons (the first died of her as a four-month-old baby, the second lived to be 14 months old). She was extremely distressed by the tragedies that befell her. Despite this, she did not stop desiring another child, and the fact that she was without a partner did not stop her from trying to fulfill her maternal needs.

But at the same time, she was very afraid. She was aware of the 25% risk that the genetic disorder would reappear. But in the end, she made up her mind and decided to contact a sperm bank, where she could choose the right one from a list of several dozen anonymous donors.

Accidental father

The donor she finally chose described in his profile that he was cheerful and carefree, with a high work ethic. In addition, he was in excellent health. The whole process went well and the result was a little girl whom Aminah named Leila. She was born on August 14, 2012, weighed less than four kilograms and was completely healthy.

But the grandmother did not like that the child would never know his biological father, so they found a donor with the help of a sperm bank. Scott (that’s the nice blond’s name) approached the meeting. They saw each other for the first time shortly after the little angel’s first birthday.

Random love

At first, both parents were very nervous about it, but they fell in love at first sight, and after a few meetings, Scott wrote an email to “his beauties” that he wanted to meet regularly, preferably every week. Soon, however, they saw each other almost daily, and mutual sympathy (not only between father and daughter) grew. They did not know each other and spent Christmas together. Scott turned out to be a caring father and a great person. Somehow naturally they began to form a family, because everyone felt it.

Today they are still together, loving, happy and healthy.

Is a platinum or gold wedding ring better?

Is a platinum or gold wedding ring better?

Wedding rings, or wedding bands as we like to call them, are a symbol that will remind you of your love until death. Therefore, do not underestimate their choice. Read the advantages of individual materials and choose the right rings for your life together.

Platinum can withstand almost anything.

The richest platinum deposits are in South Africa, where it is mined up to 4 kilometers below the surface of the earth. It belongs to very rare metals. So expect that you will have to pay extra for it. However, compared to other materials, platinum rings stand out due to their high mechanical resistance. If you care about their long-term good condition, platinum is the right choice. Not only will platinum rings last a lifetime with you, but they will still shine like they did on your wedding day. Platinum is also a material suitable for allergy sufferers.

White gold has been popular since time immemorial.

Gold has long been the most popular material for the production of engagement rings or engagement rings. It is easy to process and therefore offers jewelers great possibilities. Rose gold is also increasingly popular. Compared to platinum, you will pay less for a gold ring, but it is more susceptible to mechanical damage and minor scratches. Therefore, the choice of the manufacturer is very important. If you choose gold as your favorite for rings, check the gold with how many carats the jeweler uses.

Go your own way.

Each of us is an original, and it is the same when choosing wedding and engagement rings. There is no perfect ring that will suit everyone. While one person appreciates the great properties of platinum, another may be put off by the fact that it is 60% heavier than white gold, and for another, price is the most important factor in the decision. Whatever material you choose, you must like it. And if it seems to you that the ring is losing its luster after wearing it, the manufacturer should make sure that it looks like it did when you first put it on.

Choose the right jewelry store.

The basis of high-quality and beautiful rings is the selection of first-class jewelry. If you desire perfect rings, choose it. It produces engagement and wedding rings (bracelets) from gold and platinum and will provide you with other above-standard services. Every 2 years, for example, he will clean and renovate the surface of your rings completely free of charge. You can choose from the created models or have a unique ring designed on request. You can find the brick-and-mortar store in Bratislava, Prague, Brno and Ostrava. However, you can also order rings online. Look at the varied offer and choose a ring that will literally change your life.

Dating advice

Dating advice

Real talk: Dating is sometimes harder than it should be. After countless dinners and drinks, it can be tempting to throw in the towel and resign to nights of forever watching films alone in your bed. But when dating is done right, it can be amazing, and those great dates often lead to great relationships. So consider this your dating playbook, with all the information you need to survive the first date and make sure there’s a second one.

Go Beyond the Bar Scene

Sure, you might meet the love of your life while sipping gin and tonics, but wouldn’t it be so much cooler to say you met at a mud run? You never know where you’re going to meet the next person you date, so if you’re only looking in one spot (like that bar where you’re a regular) then you’re missing out on tons of possible partners. We know plenty of couples who have met while standing in line at the grocery store, a Target parking lot, even a naked reality show. The takeaway? Love can crop up anywhere, so get out there and keep your eyes open.

Let Your Friends Set You Up

No one loves you quite like your friends do, so let them set you up with someone that they can vouch for. “It’s better for single people to meet through friends because there’s a familiarity and comfort that goes with that,” says behavioral scientist. “A friend setting you up means the guy is ‘vetted’ to some extent.” So let them play matchmaker-but first, lay down some rules. Make it clear ahead of time that the way the date goes is totally not a reflection on your friend, or you, or the guy. Hey, sometimes chemistry is there, and sometimes it isn’t. So unless your friend is stanger, remind her that it’s no one’s fault if this goes horribly wrong. (But if it goes totally right, you should probably buy her a drink).

Consider Dating Your Friends

The term “friend zone” should totally be banished—in part, because your friends can sometimes make the best dates. Think about it: Someone you’re already friends with is likely to have similar values, to know your background and your family, and to make you feel ultra comfortable with them. Plus, friendship is the foundation for any relationship, so having that bond established can be key, says relationship expert, author of What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship.

Choose the Right Dating Site

The Internet is a beautiful thing: It brought us Twitter, cat videos, Orange Is the New Black, and now, it can bring you love. But when you’re ready to make the plunge into online dating, how do you decide which site to sign up for? We found a handy cheat sheet from digital matchmaker. Think about what it is you want out of an online dating experience. A hookup? A boyfriend? A marriage?—then choose the site that matches your interests, so you’re not just wasting your time online (that’s what the cat videos are for).

Focus On First Impressions

First dates can be overwhelming, so streamline your focus into making the first few moments count. It takes only 12 minutes for you to decide if you’re interested in the other person (and for them to decide if they dig you) so bring your A-game the second you arrive. To make a stellar first impression, make eye contact, smile, and focus on what he’s saying, according to Susan, author of How to Work a Room: The Ultimate Guide to Making Lasting Connections-In Person and Online. And don’t forget to check in with yourself, too! You might be so focused on making a flawless first impression that you forget to ask yourself if you’re even into the other person.

Don’t Play It Cool on a Date

We’ve all been told that guys love the chase, but according to research, that’s not exactly true. One study showed that men are more attracted to responsive women, and women who were kind and warm right off the bat. That doesn’t mean being over-the-top eager—you don’t have to laugh at his jokes if they’re not funny-but it’s definitely OK to respond to that text in a timely manner, or tell him how much fun you’re having. Being kind is definitely a turn on, so forget what you’ve been told about playing it ice-cold.

Avoid Oversharing

Word-vomit happens, but one way to tank a first date is to admit how long you spent Google stalking him or accidentally blurt out, “Woah, you look exactly like my ex!” The censorship walls can come down after a little bit, but try to steer clear of these awkward comments on a first date, or we’re guessing there won’t be a second one.

Pay Attention to HOW You Talk to Each Other

It’s more than just what you’re saying-it’s how you say it. One study showed that when men talk to a woman they find attractive, they tend to vary their vocal pitch from high to low tones (in a sing-songy way). If you’re looking to analyze the long-term potential, pay attention to the types of words you both use. Another study suggested that people who use the same function words (maybe you both say “quite” and “tons” a lot) are more likely to couple up and stay together.

Follow Their Gaze

Is it love at first sight? It depends on where their eyeballs land. Research suggests that when someone feels a romantic connection, his or her gaze tends to linger on the other person’s face. When they just feel sexual desire, their eyes tend to wander around the person’s body. During the next date you’re on, follow their gaze. If he’s staring into your eyes all night, there’s a good chance he’s really into you.

Don’t Let Your Friends Ruin Your Vibe

Getting your friends’ (and family’s) opinion on your new beau is essential, but if you ask too soon, it could color your own feelings. One study showed that when opinions were framed differently-saying that “seven out of ten” people liked your date, versus “three out of ten” people didn’t like him-it can seriously affect our own evaluation. So you might want to avoid asking for an outside opinion until you’ve gotten the chance to make one yourself.

If You’re Not Into Him, Move On

Dating someone who you’re just not into is a total waste of time. Be realistic with yourself: Are you embarrassed to call him your “boyfriend”? Has he met your friends? Would you rather be watching films than talking to him? Are you only with him for fear of being single? These are all good signs that you’re just not that into him, and you should peace out of this relationship. Trust us, being single is way better than being in a crappy relationship.

If At First You Don’t Succeed? Try, Try Again

We heard about a woman who committed to going on 100 dates this summer as a way of learning more about herself, and what she wants in a partner. While we don’t think you necessarily need to do a dating marathon, it’s often important to just get out there-especially if you feel like you’re in a rut. So when your date goes awry, or that relationship turns out to be a dud, don’t give up. Your next amazing date might be right around the corner.

The one where they fought about brunch

The one where they fought about brunch.

I was on a blind date. A mutual friend had conjured up the idea over brunch, which is ironic based on how the date played out. We met for oysters and drinks, then we argued for a solid
30 minutes about brunch. Like, whether brunch is determined by the menu, the timeframe of the meal, all that. Then he told me my job in public relations was stupid and made me pay for
the date, which lasted three hours mainly because I’m too stubborn to walk away from an argument. When it was done, we shook hands and never spoke again.

The one where the guy was REALLY feeling himself

The one where the guy was REALLY feeling himself.

A guy I met online was so full of himself, there was no room for me at the table. He asked me if I liked his watch, then told me it was a $20,000 birthday gift to himself. He also told
me he could pleasure himself better than any woman could. At one point, he even asked the elderly women sitting next to us if we made an attractive couple. They said yes. His response?
‘That’s right ladies, you can buy me online!’ I was so embarrassed, apologized to them, and said he was right—you can buy any kind of crap online.

The one where the guy confessed why he really lost his job

The one where the guy confessed why he really lost his job.

My date revealed he’d once taken an ex-girlfriend to the restaurant where he worked to celebrate her college graduation. That’s fine, but he only took her there because he was hoping to
get a deal on a bottle of Dom Pérignon. When the waiter charged him full price, he was so ticked off that he refused to pay the bill—and got fired because of it. Who does that?! I was
more than happy to pay just to get out of there.

The one where she broke her foot

The one where she broke her foot.

I was having a lot of fun at a punk concert with a date. We were moving from gin and tonics to beer when he suddenly showed up with shots. I thought, ‘Yeah, why not?’ After the concert,
we went to his place, did the deed, and passed out. At 3:30 A.M., I woke up with throbbing pain in my ankle and couldn’t put any weight on it. I thought it was broken, maybe because
someone jumped on it when we were dancing. Half-asleep and still tipsy, I hopped into his kitchen and grabbed frozen spinach. I went back to bed, laid the spinach on my ankle, and
immediately fall back asleep. The next morning, there was spinach EVERYWHERE. In his sheets, all over his floor, even in the cracks of his wicker bed frame. He looked at me and just
said, ‘What the f*ck?’ I got out of there as fast as possible, and he didn’t even help me hobble down the stairs. An emergency clinic confirmed that I had fractured my foot, and I never
heard from my date again.

Science of Love

Science of Love

When do you know if you fancy someone? What does love do to your brain chemicals, and is falling in love just nature’s way to keep our species alive?

We call it love. It feels like love. But the most exhilarating of all human emotions is probably nature’s beautiful way of keeping the human species alive and reproducing.

With an irresistible cocktail of chemicals, our brain entices us to fall in love. We believe we’re choosing a partner. But we may merely be the happy victims of nature’s lovely plan.

It’s not what you say…

Psychologists have shown it takes between 90 seconds and 4 minutes to decide if you fancy someone.

Research has shown this has little to do with what is said, rather

55% is through body language
38% is the tone and speed of their voice
Only 7% is through what they say

The 3 stages of love

Helen Fisher of Rutgers University in the States has proposed 3 stages of love – lust, attraction and attachment. Each stage might be driven by different hormones and chemicals.

Stage 1: Lust

This is the first stage of love and is driven by the sex hormones testosterone and oestrogen – in both men and women.

Stage 2: Attraction

This is the amazing time when you are truly love-struck and can think of little else. Scientists think that three main neurotransmitters are involved in this stage; adrenaline, dopamine and serotonin.

Adrenaline

The initial stages of falling for someone activates your stress response, increasing your blood levels of adrenalin and cortisol. This has the charming effect that when you unexpectedly bump into your new love, you start to sweat, your heart races and your mouth goes dry.

Dopamine

Helen Fisher asked newly ‘love struck’ couples to have their brains examined and discovered they have high levels of the neurotransmitter dopamine. This chemical stimulates ‘desire and reward’ by triggering an intense rush of pleasure. It has the same effect on the brain as taking cocaine!

Fisher suggests “couples often show the signs of surging dopamine: increased energy, less need for sleep or food, focused attention and exquisite delight in smallest details of this novel relationship” .

Serotonin

And finally, serotonin. One of love’s most important chemicals that may explain why when you’re falling in love, your new lover keeps popping into your thoughts.

Does love change the way you think?

A landmark experiment in Pisa, Italy showed that early love (the attraction phase) really changes the way you think.

Dr Donatella Marazziti, a psychiatrist at the University of Pisa advertised for twenty couples who’d been madly in love for less than six months. She wanted to see if the brain mechanisms that cause you to constantly think about your lover, were related to the brain mechanisms of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.

By analysing blood samples from the lovers, Dr Marazitti discovered that serotonin levels of new lovers were equivalent to the low serotonin levels of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder patients.

Love needs to be blind

Newly smitten lovers often idealise their partner, magnifying their virtues and explaining away their flaws says Ellen Berscheid, a leading researcher on the psychology of love.

New couples also exalt the relationship itself. “It’s very common to think they have a relationship that’s closer and more special than anyone else’s”. Psychologists think we need this rose-tinted view. It makes us want to stay together to enter the next stage of love – attachment.

Stage 3: Attachment

Attachment is the bond that keeps couples together long enough for them to have and raise children. Scientists think there might be two major hormones involved in this feeling of attachment; oxytocin and vasopressin.

Oxytocin – The cuddle hormone

Oxytocin is a powerful hormone released by men and women during orgasm.

It probably deepens the feelings of attachment and makes couples feel much closer to one another after they have had sex. The theory goes that the more sex a couple has, the deeper their bond becomes.

Oxytocin also seems to help cement the strong bond between mum and baby and is released during childbirth. It is also responsible for a mum’s breast automatically releasing milk at the mere sight or sound of her young baby.

Diane Witt, assistant professor of psychology from New York has showed that if you block the natural release of oxytocin in sheep and rats, they reject their own young.

Conversely, injecting oxytocin into female rats who’ve never had sex, caused them to fawn over another female’s young, nuzzling the pups and protecting them as if they were their own.

Vasopressin

Vasopressin is another important hormone in the long-term commitment stage and is released after sex.

Vasopressin (also called anti-diuretic hormone) works with your kidneys to control thirst. Its potential role in long-term relationships was discovered when scientists looked at the prairie vole.

Prairie voles indulge in far more sex than is strictly necessary for the purposes of reproduction. They also – like humans – form fairly stable pair-bonds.

When male prairie voles were given a drug that suppresses the effect of vasopressin, the bond with their partner deteriorated immediately as they lost their devotion and failed to protect their partner from new suitors.

And finally … how to fall in love

Find a complete stranger.
Reveal to each other intimate details about your lives for half an hour.
Then, stare deeply into each other’s eyes without talking for four minutes.

York psychologist, Professor Arthur Arun, has been studying why people fall in love.

He asked his subjects to carry out the above 3 steps and found that many of his couples felt deeply attracted after the 34 minute experiment. Two of his subjects later got married.

More than Friends

More than Friends

Sorry this is a long story, but, I wanted to ask people here.

I have this friend, lets call her “L,” who I’ve been interested in for quite some time and share pretty good physical and mental chemistry with. L and I have ended up somewhat massagey and cuddly at parties over the past year – which isn’t necessarily special in our circle of friends, amongst whom non-attached/non-romantic/non-sexual physical contact is regular thing to come up at parties. {Indeed couples amongst our common friends don’t even tend to be possessive: they mingle seperately at parties, and even appear flirty with others, but still go home together at the end of the night.}
Overall, I love many things about L: she is a genuinely warm and caring person, intelligent and balanced and non-judgemental; free spirited and down to earth at the same time. Even if I didn’t have a romantic interest in her, I’d still consider her to be one of the coolest people I know.

Over the past month-and-a-half L and I have hung out just the two of us at least once but usually twice a week, talking about everything, lots of eye contact, some random touching here and there. I could tell, and have had it comfirmed by asking her {more on this later}, that she is interested in something more than just friendship between us. And I know she hasn’t been hanging out with any of our mutual friends nearly as much as with me these days – that shows something too.

On Friday I was hosting a surprise birthday party at my house for two guy-friends, and L was one of 2o or so people there, of whom 15 of us all know eachother from school. Because her and I have had things building up, because I knew she would be one of a few people sleeping over at the end of the party, and because I knew she’s a cuddly sleeper, I figured I’d (A) get close to her at the party, initiate an exchnage of massages, and (B) try to get her to cozy up in bed with me at the end of the night {not sex, not yet}.
(A) didn’t happen, but B did, awkwardly.

Rewind: I started to “notice” L about a year ago, after knowing her for a while already; but I didn’t “try” to get closer to her until the spring, because she and a mutual guy friend of ours, lets call him M, always (going back a couple of years) seemed to have a particularily interesting physical chemistry between them. I’m not the only one who noted this. M is a very artsy and athletic kind of guy, who can get away with walking up to a girl and starting to dance with her, making her smile. With L this was frequenrt, so I held myself back, thinking it was inevitable they’d end up together. But in January M went overseas for what was going to be six months, so there was a few months when he wasn’t in the picture. By May L and I had progressed to at a point in our friendship where we could’ve taken a next step, but both her and I had plans to be travelling (on seperate continents) over the summer, so nothing progressed, no feelings were talked about.

Since she’s been back for the past month and a half… I mentioned this part already: we’ve been hanging out alot. On Friday I planned to come out and say/do something about my feelings, because I’m notoriously bad about keeping things in until they fizzle out.

Well at this party/pot-luck I was hosting I was running around , never sitting for more than a couple of minutes, and at one point I noticed: oh, L and M’s chemistry is active, there she is giving him a massage. And half an hour later, okay now he’s masaging her. And half an our later, oh, she’s in his lap… Okay then, ouch.

Hence, I didn’t quite have a chance to get closer to her until the end of the party when most people including M had left. I was setting up a couple of spare beds in my house for the handful of my good friends (with homes far away) who would be crashing. I temporarily ended up in a room with L and, well, this had to be my moment to say something.

This was awkward: “Hey L, were you thinking of crashing here in the den, or the couch downstairs….”{unimportant answer}”Okay sorry but I have be forward or I’ll be tossing and turning the whole night: you’re welcome to come sleep in my bed”… and she blushed and said “uhhhhhmmmmmm” and I immediatly said “Okay sorry, that was awkward, you don’t have to anwer that, feel free to go downstairs” {back to where the others were} and she did.

So I distracted myself for ten minutes cleaning things up, while she went back up to that room to go to sleep and closed the door, my other friends went to where they’d be crashing. And on my way back upstairs to my own room, I knew I couldn’t just end the night like that. So I knocked on the door of the room she was in, opened it up asking “can we talk” and she said “yes we should.”

I apologized for asking what I did the way I did, she offered “it’s okay sometimes I’m awkward too.” We agreed “shit, life is too complicated.” I told her “I asked because I feel like we’ve had something developing, I really like you” she agreed “yeah there is something between us, i thought so back in the spring too” Over twenty minutes, the first 10 of which I was sitting on some chair, but the latter 10 of which I was lying beside her, us talking face to face, we talked about a few things. How she has been single but randomly dating for a couple of years, doesn’t necessarily want anything commital right now, but does want to explore what potential “we” have, and how she isn’t dating anyone else these days. I told her about how I’ve never been in an “open relationship” before, but I respect her needs of not being tied down, and want to learn to love someoene but give them alot of room at the same time. We agreed communication is important. At one point I mentioned “I was hestitant (to approach you) in the past because I felt you and M had something going on” to which she replied, not confirming or denying but saying “He’s not very responsive (on an emotional level).” At another point, we breifly talked about a mutual girl-friend of ours (lets call her X) and her guy issues, which is that X dumps guys she dates/sleeps-with as soon that they use the Love word. L said “that’s silly, I wouldn’t push someone away like that.”

We awkwardly talked/agreed our way into sleeping in the same bed, knowing we each like physical closeness, are the types to be dissapointed by non-cuddly sleepers. In the end her words were “okay well turn that light off and lets try, see how it feels.”

Well I spooned up behind her, put an arm around her, she stroked my hand for a little while before pretending(I think) to fall asleep; I didn’t fall asleep for probably three hours, until a point when she had gotten up to go the washroom, came back, and I had a chance to get one of my arms in a more comfortable position.

By the morning we’d each gotten a handful of hours of sleep and managed to neither increase the level of intimacy nor shrink away from it. When I got up out of the bed after hearing our mutual friends walking about the house, I woke her with a “Good morning sunshine!” and a kiss and a cheek, which elicted a warm smile.

I left the bed though feeling awkward still, thinking that she maybe didn’t feel all that good about the situation. But over an hour of everyone getting up, getting their stuff together so we could all go to brunch and then split up for the day, over that hour she was quite warm towards me. She ended up in my lap on a chair, my arms around her, warming up her hands in mine. When we all were walking down to a retaurant, her and I were holding hands. In the retaurant, pressed up against eachother. Finally saying bye on the subway, we were planning ahead as we do usually “Okay maybe I can join you for______ on Monday, but at least Wednesday, we’re on for __?” And she kissed me on the cheek goodbye.

So, at this point: I am not exactly sure how to progress. I want to be casual enough to not come on too strongly, to not invade her space. But I want to be forward enough to actually form something more than “friendship with benefits.” I want to get physically and emotionally closer, to see her at least 2-3 times a week and make those dates valuable and sensual and communicative. But again, I also tell myself “I should ‘play it cool’.”

I can’t help but wonder and ponder about her feelings for M; I can’t help but feel a sense of jealousy when I think back to their physical closeness.

This part is tricky because M is one of my best guy friends. He’s a good guy, but what L said about “he’s not responsive” I know is one of his consistent lady issues. If he figured some things out I know he’d be a great boyfriend for any girl. Indeed an objective and humble (or maybe it’s a meek and low-self-esteem) part of me thinks that L and M would make a better couple than L and I would.
I know M is interested in other ladies, and I’ve encouraged him to pursue them; I don’t know what he specifically feels for L, and am very curious…

Should I ask M what he thinks of L? If he says he likes her, should I tell him “I really like her”?
Neither him or I are macho men, neither of us patriarchal, so it’s not like we’ll get into a pissing contest or “stake a claim”; it’s not like I want to tell him to “back off.”
And I’m not ever going to tell L “hey I don’t feel comfortable with you and him that close.”
But, if I stay casual about things and don’t say anything about this… and if then they end up getting close at future parties… I will certainly feel something like jealousy and betrayal.

Any input about how I should handle myself with L? And how I should think about or what I should do with M?

If you read this, good job. If you reply, thanks.

Love at First Sight

Love at First Sight

What Does Love At First Sight Feel Like?

OK, I’ll admit it — I’m a skeptic when it comes to idea of “love at first sight.” To be fair, I’m a logician, not a romantic, so I tend to approach everything with a healthy dose of skepticism. But it does happen, and not just in Disney movies. Two strangers can actually lock eyes and know that they are meant to be and no, it’s not just biased memory talking when people claim this has happened to them. So what does love at first sight feel like? I spoke to relationship expert and founder of LoveQuest Coaching Lisa Concepcion, and she explained the universal laws that make this phenomenon possible.

Truth be told, I didn’t experience love at first sight with my husband (sorry, buddy). As well matched as we are, my first thought upon seeing him outside the bar we arranged to meet was, “His Tinder photos didn’t lie. His eyes really are that big.” I thought he was too inattentive. He found me “too nice.” But Prince Harry experienced love at first sight when he met Meghan Markle, and just look how in love those two are. If you’ve never experienced it for yourself, here’s what really goes on when those sparks fly.

One of the most popular universal laws is the law of attraction. This is the belief that your thoughts are made from pure energy and that the power of positive thinking can actually draw positive experiences into your life. Basically, if you want to find love, believing that you will actually helps — and, of course, the inverse is also true. Concepcion’s own coaching practice draws upon universal laws, so when it comes to love at first sight, she is a firm believer.

“[The law of attraction] is the law responsible for the love-at-first-sight feeling and experience, [which is] one of the best co-creations between us and the universe,” she explains. By projecting love out into the universe, the law of attraction says that love will be given back to you. If you read Rhonda Byrne’s The Secret back in 2006 when everyone and their mom was obsessed with the power of positive thinking, then you’re probably already familiar with this concept.

But, according to Concepcion, the universe doesn’t just reciprocate your positive thoughts with a general feeling of love — you may actually be rewarded with a person who inspires you to love even deeper. “We are all love at the core of our being, so when we see someone who inspires us to tap into the deepest, most authentic inner love, we reflect it outward onto them,” she says. “It’s a meeting of two like energies.” So feeling love inspires love — that makes sense to me!

But how do you know for sure that what you’re experiencing is love at first sight? The way that Concepcion describes it, love at first sight is all-consuming, and when it’s happening, you’ll know it. “When it happens, there is a feeling, a deep knowing, that there is a significant energetic match to the person,” she says. So I guess that’s where the conception of a “magnetic attraction” comes from.

And it makes sense that Concepcion is a believer in love at first sight, as she actually experienced it herself with her partner. “We both felt a physical vibration when we shook hands and looked at each other,” she recalls. “Time stood still and things went into slow motion for about five seconds. We heard our hearts beating. It was nuts and we both felt it. It was a feeling of, ‘I absolutely know I must know this person.'” Now that’s some seriously powerful stuff.

You may roll your eyes at the people who say, “We just met and we knew,” but love at first sight seems pretty impossible to imagine unless you’ve experienced it for yourself. As Concepcion says, “Love at first sight is a way of coming home to yourself through the meeting of another person.” Even if you’re not a believer, you have to admit that the idea of coming home to yourself through a random encounter is pretty darn romantic. Or, I guess, the point of love at first sight is that it’s not a random encounter at all — it’s been premeditated by the universe.

That explosion you just heard? That was the sound of my mind being blown.