He and me

My name is Natalie. I am a college student living at home.

I met “Jen” in ninth grade French class. From the first day I met her, I knew that she was different from everyone I had ever met before. After a year of becoming the best of friends, we accidentally hooked up at a party. We started hooking up more and more until we ended up having sex. In 11th grade, when I told her I was in love with her, she waited a week before telling me that she was in love with me too. For the next year, we stayed together. It was the best relationship a couple could have. The only problem was that we never talked about the fact that we were two girls in love, or the fact that we were really a couple. In my senior year, she met a boy and started dating him.

This is when I knew it was all over. On Valentine’s Day, I gave her back all the notes we had ever written to each other, as well as her ring she had given to me. We didn’t talk until June when she proceeded to tell me that she was never in love with me. For the next year, I sulked. I couldn’t talk to anyone about it because no one knew what Jen and I truly were. There were nights I went to bed hoping I wouldn’t wake up, and mornings I would lay in bed and cry until I no longer had the strength to continue. I couldn’t play the piano anymore and everything seemed so empty without her by my side. My heart was purely broken.

Eventually, I told the only person I knew I could trust, my brother-in-law. After I told him and got to talk to him about it, things started to look up. I was able to talk to him about my sexuality and the torment I had gone through. Now, I’ve never been so happy with who I am. Having someone to talk to is what got me through everything. Keeping the secrets bottled up only puts more pressure on yourself. When you’re going through a hard time, the best thing you can do is talk to someone. It doesn’t have to be someone you know, just someone who will listen. You’d be surprised how many people there are.

There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about Jen, but now when I do, I think about how good it was for ME. If you have yet to figure out who you truly are, don’t worry, you will. And when you do, you will be so incredibly happy.