Tag Archives: dating story

I got involved with a married man who left his family for me. Nevertheless, she decided to take this step…

Everything always starts innocently enough. Likewise, the story of our reader Zuzana, who shared her experience with us.

Everyone makes mistakes. Really everyone…

An innocent beginning

I met Marek on a business trip. It was one of those weekend seminars held once a year in a luxury hotel in the mountains. Some kind of lectures during the day and entertainment in the evening. It was already my third seminar, so I knew exactly what to expect and I was really looking forward to it. Establishing contacts was never a problem for me, and immediately after arriving at the hotel, I started talking to a group where he was also. We were seated immediately. There was no chemistry and no sparks flying between us. We used to have a common language and from morning till night we always had something to gossip about. At the end of the stay, we exchanged contacts and of course stayed in touch. I knew he had a partner and even a child, and even though he was nice to look at, I had no intention of “dealing with…”

He got back to me almost immediately after leaving. We innocently communicated with each other through social networks, occasionally called each other and since we had the same job close to each other, once in a while we also met unplanned at work events. After a few weeks, however, I began to realize that his interest was not just purely friendly. Even though he didn’t show it at all, he flirted with me very subtly and subtly. Until he made me think that he was very interested in me. So I started behaving a little differently. I also subtly showed a different interest in him as a person, which he noticed very quickly. And I rather had the feeling that it really scared him, because he immediately “withdrew” for a few weeks…

From the entertainment of transgressions

After almost two months of being together, he actually cut off contact, we met by chance at a work party. He was there without a partner and I was also alone. This time our meeting was with sparks that I might have expected at the beginning. We knew how the evening would end. And that’s exactly how it ended. However, after a night spent together, we were both overcome with remorse, and we broke up with each other again for another month. However, Marek couldn’t stand it and after a few more weeks he asked me for a meeting. And then another. And others. After each night, my regrets multiplied, but I couldn’t resist him. It has never happened to me that I couldn’t control myself like this because of a man. However, I saw that it bothered him less and less. He liked spending time with me. And from one-week meetings they became daily over time. We went on joint trips, weekends and weekly vacations. His girlfriend had no suspicions and we simply enjoyed our time together. This romance lasted over a year, when one day out of the blue he announced to me that he wanted to leave his partner. It stunned me. More than gratification, I found it strange. Yes, I liked him, and our moments together, but at that moment I realized that because of me, one family would fall apart. I didn’t know how to react. However, he did not wait for my election. She packed up and left the house for me. And suddenly we were officially a couple.

Quick sobering up

The first days and weeks of living together were very awkward. I began to perceive Marek differently. I realized that the situation had changed. At the same time, I was becoming more and more paranoid. Every day I told myself that this person was able to lie and leave his wife and his own son without blinking an eye. I was so overcome with remorse that I couldn’t handle it and asked him to leave. Let him return home or go somewhere else, but I can’t live like this. I didn’t love him so much that I forgot the fact that what he did to her, he could easily do to me. And maybe he wouldn’t, I don’t know, and I’ll never find out either… I broke off contact with him harshly, and even though he tried his best to convince me that I was a “different case”, I couldn’t continue it. I was simply overcome by remorse and conscience more than love…

The sperm donor became a happy father and husband

She was 42 years old and wanted her own child very much, but due to a genetic disorder she had already lost two sons (the first died of her as a four-month-old baby, the second lived to be 14 months old). She was extremely distressed by the tragedies that befell her. Despite this, she did not stop desiring another child, and the fact that she was without a partner did not stop her from trying to fulfill her maternal needs.

But at the same time, she was very afraid. She was aware of the 25% risk that the genetic disorder would reappear. But in the end, she made up her mind and decided to contact a sperm bank, where she could choose the right one from a list of several dozen anonymous donors.

Accidental father

The donor she finally chose described in his profile that he was cheerful and carefree, with a high work ethic. In addition, he was in excellent health. The whole process went well and the result was a little girl whom Aminah named Leila. She was born on August 14, 2012, weighed less than four kilograms and was completely healthy.

But the grandmother did not like that the child would never know his biological father, so they found a donor with the help of a sperm bank. Scott (that’s the nice blond’s name) approached the meeting. They saw each other for the first time shortly after the little angel’s first birthday.

Random love

At first, both parents were very nervous about it, but they fell in love at first sight, and after a few meetings, Scott wrote an email to “his beauties” that he wanted to meet regularly, preferably every week. Soon, however, they saw each other almost daily, and mutual sympathy (not only between father and daughter) grew. They did not know each other and spent Christmas together. Scott turned out to be a caring father and a great person. Somehow naturally they began to form a family, because everyone felt it.

Today they are still together, loving, happy and healthy.

The one where they fought about brunch

The one where they fought about brunch.

I was on a blind date. A mutual friend had conjured up the idea over brunch, which is ironic based on how the date played out. We met for oysters and drinks, then we argued for a solid
30 minutes about brunch. Like, whether brunch is determined by the menu, the timeframe of the meal, all that. Then he told me my job in public relations was stupid and made me pay for
the date, which lasted three hours mainly because I’m too stubborn to walk away from an argument. When it was done, we shook hands and never spoke again.

The one where the guy was REALLY feeling himself

The one where the guy was REALLY feeling himself.

A guy I met online was so full of himself, there was no room for me at the table. He asked me if I liked his watch, then told me it was a $20,000 birthday gift to himself. He also told
me he could pleasure himself better than any woman could. At one point, he even asked the elderly women sitting next to us if we made an attractive couple. They said yes. His response?
‘That’s right ladies, you can buy me online!’ I was so embarrassed, apologized to them, and said he was right—you can buy any kind of crap online.

The one where the guy confessed why he really lost his job

The one where the guy confessed why he really lost his job.

My date revealed he’d once taken an ex-girlfriend to the restaurant where he worked to celebrate her college graduation. That’s fine, but he only took her there because he was hoping to
get a deal on a bottle of Dom Pérignon. When the waiter charged him full price, he was so ticked off that he refused to pay the bill—and got fired because of it. Who does that?! I was
more than happy to pay just to get out of there.

The one where she broke her foot

The one where she broke her foot.

I was having a lot of fun at a punk concert with a date. We were moving from gin and tonics to beer when he suddenly showed up with shots. I thought, ‘Yeah, why not?’ After the concert,
we went to his place, did the deed, and passed out. At 3:30 A.M., I woke up with throbbing pain in my ankle and couldn’t put any weight on it. I thought it was broken, maybe because
someone jumped on it when we were dancing. Half-asleep and still tipsy, I hopped into his kitchen and grabbed frozen spinach. I went back to bed, laid the spinach on my ankle, and
immediately fall back asleep. The next morning, there was spinach EVERYWHERE. In his sheets, all over his floor, even in the cracks of his wicker bed frame. He looked at me and just
said, ‘What the f*ck?’ I got out of there as fast as possible, and he didn’t even help me hobble down the stairs. An emergency clinic confirmed that I had fractured my foot, and I never
heard from my date again.

Science of Love

Science of Love

When do you know if you fancy someone? What does love do to your brain chemicals, and is falling in love just nature’s way to keep our species alive?

We call it love. It feels like love. But the most exhilarating of all human emotions is probably nature’s beautiful way of keeping the human species alive and reproducing.

With an irresistible cocktail of chemicals, our brain entices us to fall in love. We believe we’re choosing a partner. But we may merely be the happy victims of nature’s lovely plan.

It’s not what you say…

Psychologists have shown it takes between 90 seconds and 4 minutes to decide if you fancy someone.

Research has shown this has little to do with what is said, rather

55% is through body language
38% is the tone and speed of their voice
Only 7% is through what they say

The 3 stages of love

Helen Fisher of Rutgers University in the States has proposed 3 stages of love – lust, attraction and attachment. Each stage might be driven by different hormones and chemicals.

Stage 1: Lust

This is the first stage of love and is driven by the sex hormones testosterone and oestrogen – in both men and women.

Stage 2: Attraction

This is the amazing time when you are truly love-struck and can think of little else. Scientists think that three main neurotransmitters are involved in this stage; adrenaline, dopamine and serotonin.


The initial stages of falling for someone activates your stress response, increasing your blood levels of adrenalin and cortisol. This has the charming effect that when you unexpectedly bump into your new love, you start to sweat, your heart races and your mouth goes dry.


Helen Fisher asked newly ‘love struck’ couples to have their brains examined and discovered they have high levels of the neurotransmitter dopamine. This chemical stimulates ‘desire and reward’ by triggering an intense rush of pleasure. It has the same effect on the brain as taking cocaine!

Fisher suggests “couples often show the signs of surging dopamine: increased energy, less need for sleep or food, focused attention and exquisite delight in smallest details of this novel relationship” .


And finally, serotonin. One of love’s most important chemicals that may explain why when you’re falling in love, your new lover keeps popping into your thoughts.

Does love change the way you think?

A landmark experiment in Pisa, Italy showed that early love (the attraction phase) really changes the way you think.

Dr Donatella Marazziti, a psychiatrist at the University of Pisa advertised for twenty couples who’d been madly in love for less than six months. She wanted to see if the brain mechanisms that cause you to constantly think about your lover, were related to the brain mechanisms of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.

By analysing blood samples from the lovers, Dr Marazitti discovered that serotonin levels of new lovers were equivalent to the low serotonin levels of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder patients.

Love needs to be blind

Newly smitten lovers often idealise their partner, magnifying their virtues and explaining away their flaws says Ellen Berscheid, a leading researcher on the psychology of love.

New couples also exalt the relationship itself. “It’s very common to think they have a relationship that’s closer and more special than anyone else’s”. Psychologists think we need this rose-tinted view. It makes us want to stay together to enter the next stage of love – attachment.

Stage 3: Attachment

Attachment is the bond that keeps couples together long enough for them to have and raise children. Scientists think there might be two major hormones involved in this feeling of attachment; oxytocin and vasopressin.

Oxytocin – The cuddle hormone

Oxytocin is a powerful hormone released by men and women during orgasm.

It probably deepens the feelings of attachment and makes couples feel much closer to one another after they have had sex. The theory goes that the more sex a couple has, the deeper their bond becomes.

Oxytocin also seems to help cement the strong bond between mum and baby and is released during childbirth. It is also responsible for a mum’s breast automatically releasing milk at the mere sight or sound of her young baby.

Diane Witt, assistant professor of psychology from New York has showed that if you block the natural release of oxytocin in sheep and rats, they reject their own young.

Conversely, injecting oxytocin into female rats who’ve never had sex, caused them to fawn over another female’s young, nuzzling the pups and protecting them as if they were their own.


Vasopressin is another important hormone in the long-term commitment stage and is released after sex.

Vasopressin (also called anti-diuretic hormone) works with your kidneys to control thirst. Its potential role in long-term relationships was discovered when scientists looked at the prairie vole.

Prairie voles indulge in far more sex than is strictly necessary for the purposes of reproduction. They also – like humans – form fairly stable pair-bonds.

When male prairie voles were given a drug that suppresses the effect of vasopressin, the bond with their partner deteriorated immediately as they lost their devotion and failed to protect their partner from new suitors.

And finally … how to fall in love

Find a complete stranger.
Reveal to each other intimate details about your lives for half an hour.
Then, stare deeply into each other’s eyes without talking for four minutes.

York psychologist, Professor Arthur Arun, has been studying why people fall in love.

He asked his subjects to carry out the above 3 steps and found that many of his couples felt deeply attracted after the 34 minute experiment. Two of his subjects later got married.

More than Friends

More than Friends

Sorry this is a long story, but, I wanted to ask people here.

I have this friend, lets call her “L,” who I’ve been interested in for quite some time and share pretty good physical and mental chemistry with. L and I have ended up somewhat massagey and cuddly at parties over the past year – which isn’t necessarily special in our circle of friends, amongst whom non-attached/non-romantic/non-sexual physical contact is regular thing to come up at parties. {Indeed couples amongst our common friends don’t even tend to be possessive: they mingle seperately at parties, and even appear flirty with others, but still go home together at the end of the night.}
Overall, I love many things about L: she is a genuinely warm and caring person, intelligent and balanced and non-judgemental; free spirited and down to earth at the same time. Even if I didn’t have a romantic interest in her, I’d still consider her to be one of the coolest people I know.

Over the past month-and-a-half L and I have hung out just the two of us at least once but usually twice a week, talking about everything, lots of eye contact, some random touching here and there. I could tell, and have had it comfirmed by asking her {more on this later}, that she is interested in something more than just friendship between us. And I know she hasn’t been hanging out with any of our mutual friends nearly as much as with me these days – that shows something too.

On Friday I was hosting a surprise birthday party at my house for two guy-friends, and L was one of 2o or so people there, of whom 15 of us all know eachother from school. Because her and I have had things building up, because I knew she would be one of a few people sleeping over at the end of the party, and because I knew she’s a cuddly sleeper, I figured I’d (A) get close to her at the party, initiate an exchnage of massages, and (B) try to get her to cozy up in bed with me at the end of the night {not sex, not yet}.
(A) didn’t happen, but B did, awkwardly.

Rewind: I started to “notice” L about a year ago, after knowing her for a while already; but I didn’t “try” to get closer to her until the spring, because she and a mutual guy friend of ours, lets call him M, always (going back a couple of years) seemed to have a particularily interesting physical chemistry between them. I’m not the only one who noted this. M is a very artsy and athletic kind of guy, who can get away with walking up to a girl and starting to dance with her, making her smile. With L this was frequenrt, so I held myself back, thinking it was inevitable they’d end up together. But in January M went overseas for what was going to be six months, so there was a few months when he wasn’t in the picture. By May L and I had progressed to at a point in our friendship where we could’ve taken a next step, but both her and I had plans to be travelling (on seperate continents) over the summer, so nothing progressed, no feelings were talked about.

Since she’s been back for the past month and a half… I mentioned this part already: we’ve been hanging out alot. On Friday I planned to come out and say/do something about my feelings, because I’m notoriously bad about keeping things in until they fizzle out.

Well at this party/pot-luck I was hosting I was running around , never sitting for more than a couple of minutes, and at one point I noticed: oh, L and M’s chemistry is active, there she is giving him a massage. And half an hour later, okay now he’s masaging her. And half an our later, oh, she’s in his lap… Okay then, ouch.

Hence, I didn’t quite have a chance to get closer to her until the end of the party when most people including M had left. I was setting up a couple of spare beds in my house for the handful of my good friends (with homes far away) who would be crashing. I temporarily ended up in a room with L and, well, this had to be my moment to say something.

This was awkward: “Hey L, were you thinking of crashing here in the den, or the couch downstairs….”{unimportant answer}”Okay sorry but I have be forward or I’ll be tossing and turning the whole night: you’re welcome to come sleep in my bed”… and she blushed and said “uhhhhhmmmmmm” and I immediatly said “Okay sorry, that was awkward, you don’t have to anwer that, feel free to go downstairs” {back to where the others were} and she did.

So I distracted myself for ten minutes cleaning things up, while she went back up to that room to go to sleep and closed the door, my other friends went to where they’d be crashing. And on my way back upstairs to my own room, I knew I couldn’t just end the night like that. So I knocked on the door of the room she was in, opened it up asking “can we talk” and she said “yes we should.”

I apologized for asking what I did the way I did, she offered “it’s okay sometimes I’m awkward too.” We agreed “shit, life is too complicated.” I told her “I asked because I feel like we’ve had something developing, I really like you” she agreed “yeah there is something between us, i thought so back in the spring too” Over twenty minutes, the first 10 of which I was sitting on some chair, but the latter 10 of which I was lying beside her, us talking face to face, we talked about a few things. How she has been single but randomly dating for a couple of years, doesn’t necessarily want anything commital right now, but does want to explore what potential “we” have, and how she isn’t dating anyone else these days. I told her about how I’ve never been in an “open relationship” before, but I respect her needs of not being tied down, and want to learn to love someoene but give them alot of room at the same time. We agreed communication is important. At one point I mentioned “I was hestitant (to approach you) in the past because I felt you and M had something going on” to which she replied, not confirming or denying but saying “He’s not very responsive (on an emotional level).” At another point, we breifly talked about a mutual girl-friend of ours (lets call her X) and her guy issues, which is that X dumps guys she dates/sleeps-with as soon that they use the Love word. L said “that’s silly, I wouldn’t push someone away like that.”

We awkwardly talked/agreed our way into sleeping in the same bed, knowing we each like physical closeness, are the types to be dissapointed by non-cuddly sleepers. In the end her words were “okay well turn that light off and lets try, see how it feels.”

Well I spooned up behind her, put an arm around her, she stroked my hand for a little while before pretending(I think) to fall asleep; I didn’t fall asleep for probably three hours, until a point when she had gotten up to go the washroom, came back, and I had a chance to get one of my arms in a more comfortable position.

By the morning we’d each gotten a handful of hours of sleep and managed to neither increase the level of intimacy nor shrink away from it. When I got up out of the bed after hearing our mutual friends walking about the house, I woke her with a “Good morning sunshine!” and a kiss and a cheek, which elicted a warm smile.

I left the bed though feeling awkward still, thinking that she maybe didn’t feel all that good about the situation. But over an hour of everyone getting up, getting their stuff together so we could all go to brunch and then split up for the day, over that hour she was quite warm towards me. She ended up in my lap on a chair, my arms around her, warming up her hands in mine. When we all were walking down to a retaurant, her and I were holding hands. In the retaurant, pressed up against eachother. Finally saying bye on the subway, we were planning ahead as we do usually “Okay maybe I can join you for______ on Monday, but at least Wednesday, we’re on for __?” And she kissed me on the cheek goodbye.

So, at this point: I am not exactly sure how to progress. I want to be casual enough to not come on too strongly, to not invade her space. But I want to be forward enough to actually form something more than “friendship with benefits.” I want to get physically and emotionally closer, to see her at least 2-3 times a week and make those dates valuable and sensual and communicative. But again, I also tell myself “I should ‘play it cool’.”

I can’t help but wonder and ponder about her feelings for M; I can’t help but feel a sense of jealousy when I think back to their physical closeness.

This part is tricky because M is one of my best guy friends. He’s a good guy, but what L said about “he’s not responsive” I know is one of his consistent lady issues. If he figured some things out I know he’d be a great boyfriend for any girl. Indeed an objective and humble (or maybe it’s a meek and low-self-esteem) part of me thinks that L and M would make a better couple than L and I would.
I know M is interested in other ladies, and I’ve encouraged him to pursue them; I don’t know what he specifically feels for L, and am very curious…

Should I ask M what he thinks of L? If he says he likes her, should I tell him “I really like her”?
Neither him or I are macho men, neither of us patriarchal, so it’s not like we’ll get into a pissing contest or “stake a claim”; it’s not like I want to tell him to “back off.”
And I’m not ever going to tell L “hey I don’t feel comfortable with you and him that close.”
But, if I stay casual about things and don’t say anything about this… and if then they end up getting close at future parties… I will certainly feel something like jealousy and betrayal.

Any input about how I should handle myself with L? And how I should think about or what I should do with M?

If you read this, good job. If you reply, thanks.

Love at First Sight

Love at First Sight

What Does Love At First Sight Feel Like?

OK, I’ll admit it — I’m a skeptic when it comes to idea of “love at first sight.” To be fair, I’m a logician, not a romantic, so I tend to approach everything with a healthy dose of skepticism. But it does happen, and not just in Disney movies. Two strangers can actually lock eyes and know that they are meant to be and no, it’s not just biased memory talking when people claim this has happened to them. So what does love at first sight feel like? I spoke to relationship expert and founder of LoveQuest Coaching Lisa Concepcion, and she explained the universal laws that make this phenomenon possible.

Truth be told, I didn’t experience love at first sight with my husband (sorry, buddy). As well matched as we are, my first thought upon seeing him outside the bar we arranged to meet was, “His Tinder photos didn’t lie. His eyes really are that big.” I thought he was too inattentive. He found me “too nice.” But Prince Harry experienced love at first sight when he met Meghan Markle, and just look how in love those two are. If you’ve never experienced it for yourself, here’s what really goes on when those sparks fly.

One of the most popular universal laws is the law of attraction. This is the belief that your thoughts are made from pure energy and that the power of positive thinking can actually draw positive experiences into your life. Basically, if you want to find love, believing that you will actually helps — and, of course, the inverse is also true. Concepcion’s own coaching practice draws upon universal laws, so when it comes to love at first sight, she is a firm believer.

“[The law of attraction] is the law responsible for the love-at-first-sight feeling and experience, [which is] one of the best co-creations between us and the universe,” she explains. By projecting love out into the universe, the law of attraction says that love will be given back to you. If you read Rhonda Byrne’s The Secret back in 2006 when everyone and their mom was obsessed with the power of positive thinking, then you’re probably already familiar with this concept.

But, according to Concepcion, the universe doesn’t just reciprocate your positive thoughts with a general feeling of love — you may actually be rewarded with a person who inspires you to love even deeper. “We are all love at the core of our being, so when we see someone who inspires us to tap into the deepest, most authentic inner love, we reflect it outward onto them,” she says. “It’s a meeting of two like energies.” So feeling love inspires love — that makes sense to me!

But how do you know for sure that what you’re experiencing is love at first sight? The way that Concepcion describes it, love at first sight is all-consuming, and when it’s happening, you’ll know it. “When it happens, there is a feeling, a deep knowing, that there is a significant energetic match to the person,” she says. So I guess that’s where the conception of a “magnetic attraction” comes from.

And it makes sense that Concepcion is a believer in love at first sight, as she actually experienced it herself with her partner. “We both felt a physical vibration when we shook hands and looked at each other,” she recalls. “Time stood still and things went into slow motion for about five seconds. We heard our hearts beating. It was nuts and we both felt it. It was a feeling of, ‘I absolutely know I must know this person.'” Now that’s some seriously powerful stuff.

You may roll your eyes at the people who say, “We just met and we knew,” but love at first sight seems pretty impossible to imagine unless you’ve experienced it for yourself. As Concepcion says, “Love at first sight is a way of coming home to yourself through the meeting of another person.” Even if you’re not a believer, you have to admit that the idea of coming home to yourself through a random encounter is pretty darn romantic. Or, I guess, the point of love at first sight is that it’s not a random encounter at all — it’s been premeditated by the universe.

That explosion you just heard? That was the sound of my mind being blown.

He and me

He and me

My name is Natalie. I am a college student living at home.

I met “Jen” in ninth grade French class. From the first day I met her, I knew that she was different from everyone I had ever met before. After a year of becoming the best of friends, we accidentally hooked up at a party. We started hooking up more and more until we ended up having sex. In 11th grade, when I told her I was in love with her, she waited a week before telling me that she was in love with me too. For the next year, we stayed together. It was the best relationship a couple could have. The only problem was that we never talked about the fact that we were two girls in love, or the fact that we were really a couple. In my senior year, she met a boy and started dating him.

This is when I knew it was all over. On Valentine’s Day, I gave her back all the notes we had ever written to each other, as well as her ring she had given to me. We didn’t talk until June when she proceeded to tell me that she was never in love with me. For the next year, I sulked. I couldn’t talk to anyone about it because no one knew what Jen and I truly were. There were nights I went to bed hoping I wouldn’t wake up, and mornings I would lay in bed and cry until I no longer had the strength to continue. I couldn’t play the piano anymore and everything seemed so empty without her by my side. My heart was purely broken.

Eventually, I told the only person I knew I could trust, my brother-in-law. After I told him and got to talk to him about it, things started to look up. I was able to talk to him about my sexuality and the torment I had gone through. Now, I’ve never been so happy with who I am. Having someone to talk to is what got me through everything. Keeping the secrets bottled up only puts more pressure on yourself. When you’re going through a hard time, the best thing you can do is talk to someone. It doesn’t have to be someone you know, just someone who will listen. You’d be surprised how many people there are.

There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about Jen, but now when I do, I think about how good it was for ME. If you have yet to figure out who you truly are, don’t worry, you will. And when you do, you will be so incredibly happy.